What am I doing?!

Thirsty Flowers

So, I have been fantasizing about doing what I love these days, professionally speaking. My husband and baby make me immensely happy and grateful, and I have a pretty good job at an institution I respect. I recently got my MBA and thought a year ago that I would be applying for some high powered job, but I seem to be paused instead and lacking direction. Obviously having a baby changed lots of things about my life. But I didn't think being a mom would make me desire to pursue the dreams I had when I was 20.

Part of it is, if I have to be away from Amira, I would rather that time be spent doing something I find directly meaningful, instead of peripherally important. Part of it is, being an artist, a designer, a crafter, is something I could do from home, I could have flexible hours, work at night when she is asleep, work at my pace and not worry about "face time."

But here I am, and I don't know how to get to there.

So I am a little all over the place, trying to find a new direction.

Today, I drew a flower. One that I am watering, but the relentless heat is continuously drying. I do these from time to time. They are an exercise in looking. I have always enjoyed botanical drawings. There is a close connection between the object and the art. Nature has so much pattern and rhythm, and we frequently stylize these features. A close study of the object reveals all the flaws that prevent the pattern from being what is imagined.